Friday, November 4, 2011

I'm stronger than I think I am.

It’s official. I had my first ohmygod-I’m-all-alone Navy wife moment. That’s the only way I can really explain it. Sheer panic, nerves, tears… and my husband was out of reach.

Everything is fine. We’re all healthy and we’re all safe. But this was definitely a learning experience for me. The whole reason we’re in Charleston this year is for Nuclear Power School and Submarine training. But you know what? I actually think this is more like military wife training. Easing me into what life will really be like a year from now, when we will undoubtedly face our first deployment.

Honestly, we’ve been really blessed so far. Rob has been putting in really long hours at school but we still have evenings and weekends together. We’re a Navy family now. We talk about jobs, ranks, and bases almost daily. Even the dreaded word DEPLOYMENT comes up in conversation a few times a week. My heart aches, but I’m ok right now. It’s just part of the new normal.

Rob spends about 13 hours a day on base. No big deal. I work from home, take care of the house, and talk babytalk to Charlie all day. However – when Rob IS at school  (a super top-secret facility on base) he’s not allowed access to ANY electronic devices.. no phones, no computers. So, when his poor lonely Navy wife has an emergency,  she’s stuck to deal with it all by herself… Just like she will be when he’s 10,000 leagues under the sea (only half joking there…. submarine cruising depths are “privileged” information that even wives don’t get to know).

Something big happened, and I couldn’t call him. I couldn’t call my best friend for reassurance. My husband, my rock, my everything… out of reach. So who did I call instead? My mom, obviously. From 1,000 miles away my Mama calmed me down, talked me through my anxiety, and gave me strength. Even from 1,000 miles away, she knew what I needed.  She told me to call Alyson. She doesn’t even know Alyson, but she knew I needed her.

My Mom, sister, and Aly helped me get through a nightmarish day without my husband. By the time Rob walked through the door in his Khakis that evening, I was ok. I had red, puffy eyes.. but I handled the day.

I’m not alone here. Even when Rob is out of reach, I’m not alone. This is the first time I’ve admitted that, and it feels good. All part of this Navy wife training I’ve committed to, I guess.

I’m stronger than I think I am, and “Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger” –Sara Evans

More about Alyson later…


(Thank you Mama, I love you).

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